Author: blogespresso

Q1. Hello, can you please introduce yourself? Readers would love to know more about you.

A1. I am an author, therapist, professor, and speaker whose life’s work has been committed to helping people live more authentic, meaningful, joyful—and sexually satisfying—lives.

As an Emeritus Professor at the University of Florida, I teach the Psychology of Human Sexuality to hundreds of undergraduate students each year. I have published over 50 research articles in academic journals and six chapters in academic books. I have received numerous professional and teaching awards. I am a Fellow of the American Psychological Association, indicating that my work has had a positive national influence on the field of psychology. In 2023, I was honored to be named one of Forbes “50 over 50” woman innovators.

I am the author of two popular press books—both written with the aim of empowering women sexually and both with published studies demonstrating that readers enhance their sexual functioning: Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It (HarperOne, 2017) and A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship (Adams Media, 2009).

With this same goal of providing scientifically accurate, sex-positive information to enhance female pleasure, I give presentations and workshops to professionals and lay audiences, including a TEDx talk with over two million views. I maintain an active social media presence, and is often quoted in national and international media.

For over 30 years, I have also maintained a small private practice, working with both individuals and couples on general and sexual issues. One of my greatest honors is supporting clients during difficult times, as well as helping them make positive changes and reach life goals.

On a more personal level, I am a 64-year-old cisgender, heterosexual woman. I have been married to the love of my life for 39 years and have two wonderful adult daughters who I am very close with. In my non-work time, I love to spend time with family and friends, take walks in nature, and take (hot) yoga classes.

Q2. What were the key challenges you faced while writing your book “Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters–And How to Get It”?

A2. The biggest challenge (that resulted in a lot of tears being shed!) was when writing the chapter on anatomy. Even though I lecture on female anatomy in my class, when doing additional research for the chapter on anatomy, I found myself more and more uncertain. I kept discovering inconsistencies in information, even across reliable sources. These inconsistencies weren’t trivial either. They involved important parts of women’s genital anatomy. I was at the point where I really didn’t know what to do and I called my brilliant editor, she pointed out that this confusion and inconsistency was the reason for this book. She said it was a perfect illustration of our societal illcliteracy and the reason that this book needed to be written. It ended up making me even more determined and at the same time, frustrated at how behind we are in the science of women’s pleasure.

Q3. What books or authors have most influenced your own writing?

A3. I love the work of Harriet Lerner, who has written several self-help books for women, based in science and written in an authentic, caring voice. Decades ago, when I read her first book, “The Dance of Anger,” I was inspired to contribute to women’s lives thought books in this same way. She continues to write and continues to be an inspiration to me.

Q4. What’s your favourite spot to visit in your own country? And what makes it so special to you?

A4. The Eastern Sierra mountains. I love the natural beauty, including the mountains and clear mountain lakes. I love to hike to a secluded mountain lake and jump in the cold water. It’s a wonderful place to really get a way and unplug, and I have many wonderful memories there doing just that.

Q5. What inspired you to write the book ‘Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters–And How to Get It’?

A5. The students I teach in my large-enrollment Psychology of Human Sexuality class. Through teaching these students, I realized how few women students were experiencing orgasm and how many felt “broken.” I also learned how much pressure the male students felt to “give” a woman an orgasm by thrusting hard and lasting long. Importantly, I also was surprised to learn that very few of them knew about the clitoris or how essential external stimulation is for women’s orgasm. So, I started educating students on women’s genital anatomy, clitoral stimulation, and the like. I started getting notes along the lines of “Thanks to your class, I am now orgasmic” and “I used the information in class and my girlfriend had her first orgasm.” I didn’t want to keep this information to just my class, assuming if my students were struggling, so were many young people. That is why I wrote Becoming Cliterate.

Q6. How long did it take you to write your book ‘Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters–And How to Get It’?

A6. I worked on the proposal for about 5 months, and once I signed a contact for the book, I had 8 months to write it. That was almost all I did for those months!

Q7. On what platforms can readers buy your books?

A7. Anywhere books or e-books or audio books are sold (e.g., Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Indie Bookstores).

Q8. Tell us about the process of coming up with the book cover and the title ‘Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters–And How to Get It’?

A8. When I originally wrote the proposal for the book, I titled it “Closing the Orgasm Gap.” In signing a contract for the book with HarperOne, my editor said we needed a better title and suggested something with the word “clitertate” or “cliteracy” in it—words I had used in the proposal. I told her that these were not my words to use, as Ian Kerner had first used them on the back cover of his illustrious book, “She Comes First.” Hence, I contacted Ian and asked for permission and he granted it, saying “The more cliterate people in the world, the better!” In terms of the book cover, the team at HarperOne designed several and presented them to me. I chose the current one due to its combination of boldness and simplicity. I also loved the pink!

Q9. When writing a book how do you keep things fresh, for both your readers and also yourself?

A9. To stay focused and creative, even when I am stressed, tired, and under a deadline, I make sure to exercise daily (e.g., yoga, walk in nature) and get 7-8 hours of sleep. I also have several people I trust who are willing to talk ideas through with me, read drafts, and give me honest feedback.

Q10. What is the most valuable piece of advice you’ve been given about writing?

A10. One of my favorite books on writing is Anne Lamont’s, “Bird by Bird” and the essential advice in that book really works for me. That is, take it bird by bird or in other words, word by word. One word, one sentence, one paragraph at a time.

I am not sure who gave me this advice, but another piece of advice I follow is to always start a writing day by reading and editing what I wrote the day before diving into writing a new portion.

Buy Becoming Cliterate on Amazon